1. |
Dead Dogs
00:18
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wakin’ up on the 25th, so excited to get my gifts, run downstairs as my sprits lift, into the room I slowly drift - I wonder it is, what could it be, I’m opening the box, I’m filled with glee… I got a dead dog for Christmas! – but why mum!!!!!!
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2. |
Paedophile's Mistletoe
00:26
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I got my mistletoe, I see some kids, I’ll run over, flutter my eyelids, they don’t know what’s about to come, but I know I’m gunna have some fun! NO OFFICER, I DIDN’T MEAN TO, WHY, THEY’RE OF AGE, SHE LIKED ME! I DON’T GET IT!!!! “It was only a kiss how did it end up like this”
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3. |
I Wanna Fuck Santa
00:21
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I wanna fuck Santa, Santas beard, it’s fluffy and white, I wanna fuck him, all damn night, I wanna fuck Santa.
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4. |
Communist Christmas
00:10
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do you want why santa wears red? ‘cause he’s a commie, commie, commie, commie - I got a present, you got a present – what did you get? The same as you! ‘cause we’re commies, commies, commies, commies
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5. |
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where’s my fucking transformer, where’s my fucking golf clubs, where’s my fucking skateboard, where’s my fucking guitar, where’s my fucking drum set, where’s my fucking pony, where’s my fucking record, where’s my fucking computer, where’s my fucking xbox, where’s my fucking sega game gear, no, I, don’t, want, coaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal
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6. |
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granddads roasting on an open fire, who put him there – he’s not a marshmellow – fuckin’ hell get extinguisher, why mum why! “we’re all outta logs!” – oh that makes sense, burn you old fucker
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7. |
Elf Fucker
00:15
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I sneak into Lapland, I find the houses, I see a green man, and I wanna touch him, I see his wife and I like her too and I say “ay what’s up – I wanna fuck ya too!” I got a thing for elves, I got a thing for e-e-e-elves
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8. |
Don't Eat Yellow Snow
00:03
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don’t do it – it’s piss! – it’s piss! – it’s piss! it’s fuckin’ piss!
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9. |
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I lied about the christmas turkey, you’ve all been tricked – I found out about the turkey, it once had a wife – I lied about the Christmas turkey, it’s tofu jerkey – I lied about the Christmas turkey, I saved a life
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10. |
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i can hear some fucker singing carols, those fucking bastards wont shut up, i fucking hate christmas am gonna steal it, am from dewsbury mate lets fucking go, christmas is mine, fuck you all, its bullshit anyway! fuck your gifts, christmas is mine im having a ball, enjoy the 25th, mother fuckers
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11. |
Socks Again? Fuck sake!
00:29
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socks, socks, and socks again, god damnit mum I’m going insane, socks, socks, and socks again, god damnit mum I’m going insane, socks, socks, and socks again, god damnit mum I’m going insane – too many socks for just one man, this is the 5th fuckin’ Christmas!
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12. |
It's Not Saint Nick!
00:04
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13. |
Rudolph Got Rabies
00:08
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dasher - noooooooooooo! dancer – nooooooooo! – prancer – noooooooooo! – vixen – noooooooooo! – comet – nooooooooo! Donder – noooooooo! Blitzen – nooooooooooo – RUDOLPH GOT RABIES!
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14. |
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santa got aids from my mince pies, I fed them to him in the hope that dies – he ate my pastries full of lies, I hope he bleeds out through his eyes
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15. |
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the fire was warm and outside it was cold, he was only 17 years old, when she aproached him with a face full of glee, holding mistltoe up beneath the tree. Cat and John, whats going on? under the mistle toe a christmas blow? cat and john what’s going on, a punch in the face or christmas disgrace?
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16. |
Canadian Christmas
00:02
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What's it all aboot?
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17. |
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Last Christmas I gave you my kidney But the very next day i was on dialysis This year To save me from death I'll cut one of out of someone special - i'll cut one right out, run to the docs, get him to sew me up before my plan is botched, this christmas will be the best, gonna save my life this year so fuck all the rest
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18. |
Santa Whores
00:31
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santa is a dirty bastard, that whore buys us presents every year, just to get into our houses an pop a chubby, get himself off whilst eating mince pies - watching us sleep with those beady eyes, santas a pervert and prepare to cry
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19. |
I Shot A Caroler
00:21
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christmas is a time for target practice, not getting gifts like everyone thinks, happy people sing on my doorstep, makes them easy targets for my 45 - tis the season to be jolly, i get my, kicks droppin' bodies, christmas cheer for all to hear, a bullets what you're getting this year
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20. |
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Christmas makes me wanna kill, consumerism is not good will, Santa deserved to die, I’m sorry kids it’s time to cry. His body will be put to better things, his legs to the legless – oh the joy it brings. His hands will go to those who need them, and the rest will be food just that reason. BUT I GET THE HEAD FOR FUN AND GAMES, I’LL SAVE IT ALL YEAR AND THROW THE BRAINS – SANTA’S HEAD IS A JACK-O’LATERN
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21. |
Santa's Sleigh Got Towed
00:14
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santas sledge got towed, haha fucking down, dumb bastard can’t read signs, parking on double yellow lines
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22. |
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355 days a year, of sitting back and drinking beer. Now for Christmas Ive gone cold turkey, and so I’m feeling rather quirky. I think the elves are watching me, they are my slaves this cannot be, I don’t feel well, my beard is curly, time for me to clock off early. HUNGOVER ON CHRISTMAS EVE, FUCK THE KIDS MY HEADS IN A SQUEEZE. Little bastards are naughty all year, gonna have a bottle of Christmas cheer, I aint giving no presents tonight, my kidneys hurt and my head feels shite, I hear a banging on my door, I think it might be Mrs. Claus. She screams to get my act together, she knows I hate this snowy weather, WORKING FOR ONE DAY A YER - FUCK THAT Y’ALL!
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23. |
Baron's Bauble Blitz
00:28
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unknown
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24. |
Wrong Holiday
00:09
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The Easter bunny is here, but it's snowing, it's not Christmas, this makes no sense
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25. |
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unknown
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26. |
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I just wish this year would go on past 'cause I don't think I'm going to last
Okay
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SLEIGHER England, UK
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